最初に真剣に自殺を検討したのは七歳の時だ。台所で包丁を見てじっと考えた。これで首の青筋を切ればいいんだなと。でも切るのはすごく痛そうだし、明日のごはんが食べたいからやめた。食い意地が張っていたのだ。
今でもよほどひどい目に遭うと、死のうかな、と思う。でもそれもめんどくさいし、痛いのいやだし、明日やればいいや、と考えてやめる。たぶん長生きすると思う。
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